| Ebbw
Vale v Llandovery, March 7th, 2009
Ebbw have just lost 27-3
to the bottom-but-one placed Drovers in a dire affair.
Ebbw supporter 1: That
was awful, I can't think of a single thing we did well.
Ebbw supporter 2: Oh, I don't know; I thought we ran off well at half
time.
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Cross Keys v Ebbw
Vale, September 27th, 2008
Ebbw Vale cling on to a 19-17 lead, Keys have just missed a penalty, and
the game is in injury time.An Ebbw supporter checks his watch for the
hundredth time...
Ebbw supporter: That's five minutes of extra time the ref has played
now.
Cross Keys supporter: It's not five minutes at all; it's four minutes
and ninety seconds.
Contributed by Milo, still scratching his head in bewilderment.
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Ebbw Vale v
Llanelli, December 1st, 2007
Aaron
Bramwell is considering taking a penalty shot at goal into the teeth of
a gale.
Ebbw supporter 1: He's throwing a blade of grass up to test the wind.
Ebbw supporter 2: He could throw a brick up in that wind!
and
The match is live on S4C
and, in the back of the stand, a make-up assistant is lightly dusting
the craggy face of Emyr Lewis with powder.
Ebbw supporter: Oi, Emyr! You want a plasterer not a make-up assistant!
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Pontypridd v Ebbw
Vale, November 3rd, 2007
The Ponty Panda is cavorting merrily in front of a group of Ebbw
supporters, making frivolous, un-Pandalike gestures.
Ebbw supporter 1: I don't know what you're so happy about - your species
is nearly extinct.
Ebbw supporter 2: Aye, even I get more sex than you do!
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Glamorgan
Wanderers v Ebbw Vale, March 31st 2007
A huge touch-finder by Ebbw fullback Andrew McLaughlan smashes into the
small stand at the Ely Memorial Ground.
Ebbw supporter: Careful Macca; you nearly ****ed up their criteria
points then!
Thanks to Steve Young.
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Ebbw Vale v
Bridgend, January 6th, 2007
Ebbw, top of the Principality Premiership, face a lively and tenacious
challenge from the Ravens who have just scored to level the game at 20
-20.
Bridgend supporter (somewhat gloatingly): It's hard at the top, isn't it
Ebbw?
Ebbw soon resume normal service, scoring the next try.
Ebbw supporter (even more gloatingly): Aye, but it's harder for you lot
down there propping us up!
Contributed by Milo.
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Llandovery v Ebbw
Vale, December 26th, 2006
The 'local derby' at Llandovery saw several hundred Ebbw fans descend on
Carmarthenshire decked out in Hawaiian shorts and Santa Claus hats. One
well known member of the Supporters Club turned up in full Irish
leprechaun outfit: green trousers and jacket, yellow checked waistcoat
and a top hat. As he walks to take his place on the terrace...
Ebbw supporter: So you decided not to bother with fancy dress then
Dolly!
Contributed by DNG.
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Ebbw Vale v
Pontypridd, October 28th, 2006
John Bowd has flattened a Ponty player with a devastating tackle - the
thump echoed off Mynydd Carn-y-Cefn and the Domen.
Ebbw supporter 1: Pick your teeth up, butt!
Ebbw supporter 2: Aye, they came out of your arse!
Contributed by RS who was
behind Messrs Evans and Phillips, the 'performers'.
and...
Dale 'Chief' McIntosh limps off to warm applause.
Ebbw supporter: Oh no! Who's going to referee the game now?
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Ebbw Vale v
Swansea, October 14th, 2006
Simon Hunt has powered through the narrowest of touchline corridors and
dived in at the corner for a real opportunist try.
Ebbw supporter: Simon, you're just like a woman: you can make something
out of nothing!
Contributed by Wally,
attributed to a teenage Ebbw supporter whose identity had best remain
secret for fear of female reprisals!
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Ebbw Vale v
Aberavon, October 7th, 2006
Ebbw line out on the Aberavon 22, mid way through the second half.
Richard Wilkes throws in and the ball bananas in the wind directly into
the safe hands of Craig Cleaver at the back of the line. The referee,
not surprisingly, blows for 'not straight' and offers Aberavon a
line-out or scrum.
Ebbw supporter on the bank: Oh c'mon mun ref, what d'you want? Nothing
wrong with that, it was straight down the middle!
Aberavon supporter: Well I hope the railway line they're building for
you buggers is going to be a lot straighter than your throwing in,
otherwise it'll take all day to get to Ebbw Vale!
Contributed by Marcus
Russell.
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Cross Keys v Ebbw
Vale, September 30th, 2006
Our favourite referee, with whom we fell inextricably in love at Bedwas
last season, has just made an awful decision against Ebbw Vale.
Ebbw supporter 1: Ref, I hope there's an assessor watching you.
Ebbw supporter 2: Ref, I hope there's an assassin watching you!
Provided by Graham,
perpetrated by Geezer.
*NB: Ebbw Vale RFC in no way condones the use of assassins as a means of
regulating referees' performances.
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Maesteg v Ebbw
Vale, September 23rd, 2006
Five minutes
and two penalties to Ebbw into the game...
Maesteg supporter: How much are Pontypool paying you ref?
Five minutes and another three penalties to Ebbw later...
Maesteg supporter: Oh c'mon ref. You must be from Pontypool an' all!
Ebbw supporter: You do know you're playing Ebbw Vale don't you?
Maesteg supporter: Ah... right...
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Bridgend v Ebbw
Vale, September 2nd, 2006
It's just the fifth minute of the first game of the season when Bridgend
are penalised for being offside at a maul.
Ebbw supporter: All the time, ref!
Contributed by RS who was
one of many to applaud MJV, the perpetrator of this classy call.
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Ebbw Vale v
Pontypridd, May 9th 2006
The referee is giving a long, finger wagging lecture to Simon Hunt who
has questioned a decision against him in fairly strong terms.
Ebbw supporter: Leave him alone ref! He only said what the rest of us
are thinking!
A DNG contribution
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Cross Keys v Ebbw
Vale, April 28th, 2006
One of the many former Ebbw players in the Cross Keys team has just been
penalised for being offside - quite spectacularly so.
Ebbw supporter 1: Wrong side XXXXXX; you don't play for us any more.
Ebbw supporter 2: Thank God!
Contributed by CJ
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Ebbw Vale v Bedwas, October 29th, 2005
Behind the posts, on the cricket field, the Bedwas replacements are
gently warming up. They are wearing long, black coats that flap around
them like cloaks.
Ebbw supporter: Are they going to play rugby or quidditch?
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Maesteg v Ebbw
Vale, October 1st 2005
Maesteg supporter 1: Your ground has got the best terracing in Wales,
but some places we've been have got awful facilities.
Ebbw supporter: This ground is nice, mind.
Maesteg supporter 1: Aye, and if we stay up and you come back next year,
you'll see a difference.
Maesteg supporter 2: Aye, there'll be a bloody great supermarket on it!
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Ebbw Vale v
Pontypridd, January 15th 2005
In the light of concerns over the increasing abuse of officials, the WRU
has reiterated their stance that clubs are responsible for their
supporters' comments and behaviour. Match announcer Alan Evans has twice
reminded supporters of the WRU directive.
In the second half, the referee penalises an Ebbw Vale forward for
'holding on' even though the ball has actually emerged on the Pontypridd
side of the ruck.
Ebbw supporter: For God's sake mun, ref, you must be... oh, hang on... I
say referee, I respectfully suggest that you may have made an incorrect
decision on this occasion.
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Ebbw Vale v
Swansea, December 11th, 2004
Ebbw have just beaten the All Whites 16 - 0.
Ebbw supporter: Nil. My favourite score for the opposition!
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Ebbw Vale v
Carmarthen Quins, April 10th, 2004
Veteran Tongan lock, Kuli Faletau, catches a ball under pressure and
makes 15 metres to set up good ball for Ebbw. (You need to say this one
out loud to get the full effect.)
Ebbw Supporter 1: That Kuli, great player. Never loses his cool.
Ebbw Supporter 2: Good job really, otherwise he'd be called 'Ee".
Contributed by DNG (who
played his part in this!)
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Ebbw Vale v
Llandovery, November 22nd, 2003
A murky day and a dismal performance by Ebbw at Eugene Cross Park. It
begins to get dark just before half time.
Ebbw Supporter 1: The gloom descends... we'll have to have the lights on
soon.
Ebbw Supporter 2: God, you don't want to see more of this do you?
Contributed by DNG
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Ebbw Vale v
Llanelli, December 21st 2002
Ebbw supporter: I tell you what - it's a bloody good job that William
Webb Ellis didn't go to school in
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantisiliogogogoch.
Contributed by Wally
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Munster v Ebbw
Vale, September 6th 2002
Not 'banter' but worthy of inclusion. After Ebbw's defeat in Cork, a
small group of supporters are talking to some Munster fans in the
clubhouse.
Ebbw: So where can you recommend for us to watch Ireland against Romania
tomorrow?
Munster: All the pubs will be showing it.
Ebbw: Any Irish bars around here?
Contributed by Milo who
heard IH saying it.
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Ebbw Vale v
Caerphilly, May 10th 2002
In this, the
last match of a difficult season, Ebbw Vale have Allan Bateman playing
in the centre on permit from Neath. The living rugby legend has spent
all season in one of those snug-fitting, shiny black jerseys but has
just crossed for Ebbw's 8th try and is sauntering back to the massive
applause of the crowd.
Ebbw supporter: Hey, Allan, what's it like to wear a jersey you can
breathe out in?
Contributed by IJ,
attributed to Wally.
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Post match, about
10 pm, Llanelli v Ebbw Vale, April 13th 2002 at the Ebbw Vale clubhouse
Not 'banter' as such but a cracker nevertheless. A famously blonde Ebbw
supporter is speaking to a fellow supporter about the afternoon's
semi-final at the Millennium Stadium.
She: Where were you this afternoon?
He: M35
She: Oh so you missed the game then?
He: Block M35
She: I thought you meant you were on the motorway.
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Ebbw Vale U21 v
Exeter U21, March 23rd 2002
A pile up of
players causes the referee to blow and award a scrum to Ebbw to the
annoyance of a female supporter...
Ebbw supporter: Aww! Why did you blow up, ref?
Referee (turning to her and pointing to an Exeter player on the
floor):Because he was going to get a shoeing, my love, and my bosses
have told me to stop it happening.
Witnessed by MJV, DNG,
RS.
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Newport v Ebbw,
Boxing Day 2001
Ebbw supporter: Come on 'Port, pass it to a Welshman!
A few minutes later, a wild pass by a Newport player ends up in the
crowd.
Ebbw supporter: Look! He's found a Welshman!
Contributed by Wally.
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Pontypridd v Ebbw
Vale, December 22nd, 2001
Late in the game a few days before Christmas, the Ponty bugler blows the
haunting strains of 'The Last Post'. As it ends...
Ebbw fan: Last post went on Tuesday, mun!
Contributed by RS.
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Carmarthen Quins v Ebbw Vale, February 2001
An excited Carmarthen supporter spots the shiny head of Nathan Budgett
which, along with the rest of Nathan Budgett, is about to make a rare
appearance for Ebbw in an injury-ridden season.
Carmarthen supporter: Look! Look! Nathan Budgett is coming on!
Ebbw supporter: Aye, he's on permit from Wales.
Contributed by Wally,
attributed to Gutty.
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Llandovery v Ebbw
Vale, January 2001
A Llandovery player limps off injured:
Ebbw Vale supporter: Oh no! Who's gonna do the milking in the morning,
now?
Contributed by Wally
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Ebbw Vale v
Llanelli, Under 21, January 10th, 2001
Ref, you're bad enough to be first class!
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Ebbw Vale v
Newport, December 23rd, 2000
EV Fan 1:
Ref, you haven't got a clue. D'you wanna ask the audience?
EV Fan 2: Hey, ref, you could phone a friend if you had any!
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Arwel Thomas has
a kicking nightmare for Wales 'A' v Italy 'A' at ECP, February, 2000
"Arwel, you couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo!"
Contributed by MJV (to
whom others also attribute this great quote).
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Caerphilly v Ebbw
Vale, February 2000
Caerphilly batter Ebbw Vale's line in injury time as Clayton Thomas
awards a series of penalties.
Caerphilly supporter: For goodness sake Clayton, make them stand behind
their dead ball line; it's the only way we'll score a try.
Contributed by Neil
Harris
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Scott Quinnell
sent off by Nigel Williams for holding on to the ball, Ebbw Vale v
Llanelli, 1999.
Ebbw supporter: Look! he's heading straight for the burger van!
Anonymous
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Llanelli v Ebbw
Vale, 1999: Matt Cardey's Scarlet debut
Ebbw
fan:What do you boys down here think of this Cardey, then?
Scarlet 1: I think he's fast, but lacks skill.
Scarlet 2: I think he's skilful, but lacks pace.
Scarlet 3: Just think, he could have signed for Cardiff and lacked both.
Contributed by Tony
Davies.
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Pontypridd v Ebbw
Vale, 1998
After a string of penalties in Ponty's favour, the referee (could have
been our beloved CT again) finally puts his arm up for Ebbw.
Ebbw fan: Thank God for that, ref, I thought you'd had a stroke!
Contributed and
attributed anonymously - probably just as well.
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Llanelli v Ebbw
Vale, 1997: referee stops play for an injury to Rupert Moon
Ebbw fan: Play on ref, he's not front row.
Llanelli fan: Shut up, mun, the man's nose is bleeding
Ebbw fan: Bloody hell, Moony's got a nose bleed. Fetch a tanker someone!
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My personal
favourite (I was standing just behind the man responsible)
Derwyn Jones offside at a ruck (again) Cardiff v Ebbw Vale, 1997.
Ebbw supporter: For God's sake ref, you can't miss him! Just listen for
the clip-clop of hooves and the swish of the tail!
Contributed by D. Evans,
attributed to DJL.
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Gloucester v Ebbw
Vale, Anglo-Welsh Cup (1996?)
A partial solar eclipse occurred during the game.
A Glawster fan at the front of the Shed points towards the celestial
event as the moon slips in front of the sun and shouts, "Referee!
Crossing!"
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Llandovery v Ebbw
Vale, 1993
A scrum wheels.
Irate, ill-informed Llandovery supporter: Blow up referee, it's gone
through forty five (pronounced "fottyfive") degrees!
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Abertillery v
Ebbw Vale, May 1992 (remember the hailstorm?)
Aber fan: Ebbw Vale are living offside ref!
Ebbw fan: Ignore him ref, he's only sulking 'cos we've got the Garden
Festival and they haven't!
Aber fan: And that's not Ebbw Vale it's Blaenau Gwent.
Minutes pass...
Aber fan: Referee! Ebbw Vale are offside again!
Ebbw fan: It's not Ebbw Vale, it's Blaenau Gwent!
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The decimal
system arrives in Ebbw!
Ebbw Supporter: C'mon Ref get 'em back 10 metres.
Reply from an Ebbw supporter further up on the bank: Ah listen, Mike's
gone metric.
Contributed by Wally
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Home game,
opposition and date unknown, but mid 80s.
An Ebbw Vale
centre is penalised for a head-high tackle.
First Ebbw supporter: Come on Ebbw, tackle their legs! They can't run
without their legs!
Second Ebbw supporter: They can't run without their ｣$%&*% heads,
either!
Contributed by D. Evans
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Maesteg v Ebbw
Vale - mid eighties
There is a scrum right in front of us.
Ebbw fan: Referee, Referee come on he's not binding! C'mon ref, that
blonde boy, he's still not binding, sort him out!!
Maesteg fan: That's the scrum half, butt.
Ebbw fan: Aah...
Contributed by D. Evans
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A home game some
time in the mid/late 1970s
The late,
great Clive Burgess goes down injured (unbelievable, but true!)
A voice from the bank cries: Is there a welder in the crowd?
Contributed by D. Evans,
attributed to K. Matthews
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